January 19th Challenge: Honor memories of loved ones

Tonight's post is dedicated to those souls touched our own and have left this earth.

I'm working on tomorrow's memorial service for a beautiful friend.  Annie died as she lived, full of love and spirit, smiling, curious.  She loved her family, the beach, the mountains, music, moving her body, art, her family, and Spirit-- the Source of all love and wisdom.  Her legacy is one of continuous testament to that openness and love.She had a belly laugh like you wouldn't believe.  She wasn't a saint, although she seems pretty darn close to me. Her husband told me a story this week of her killing black flies with great glee and determination.  Anne was full-on Human, and it's hard to imagine her gone from this earth.

But in many ways she isn't.  Her life and even her death changed many of us who knew her.  When I am cranky and complaining, I think of her radiant smile and sunny nature.  When I catch myself in the mirror while I'm eating, I remember how many pictures I have of her with her mouth full and chewing.

Last night I got stuck trying to write her service.  After much useless time trying to get moving, I went to my piano.  I've played it maybe once in the last six months.  I got out a hymnal and opened it to a song, and began to play:

What Wondrous Love Is This

What wondrous love is this, O my soul, O my soul,
What wondrous love is this, O my soul?
What wondrous love is this, that brings my heart such bliss,
and takes away the pain of my soul, of my soul,
and takes away the pain of my soul.

When I was sinking down, sinking down, sinking down
When I was sinking down, sinking down,
When I was sinking down, beneath my sorrows ground,
friends to me gathered round, O my soul, O my soul,
friends to me gathered round, O my soul.

To love and to all friends, I will sing, I will sing,
To love and to all friends, I will sing.
To love and to all friends, who pain and sorrow mend,
with thanks unto the end, I will sing, I will sing,
With thanks unto the end, I will sing.

Today's challenge is to remember and honor a life that has passed, in whatever way you see fitting.

Related posts:  
using-others-eyes-to-see.html
http://www.janasvoboda.org/2010/09/grief-101-guidelines.html

In memory of Anne Burton, Jennifer DeVries, Dennis Smothers, William Svoboda, Mark Franklin, and Ansel Reed.

Jan 18th Challenge: Friday FUNday

adults need recess too.  especially the time-traveling type. 

 "Life is Mysterious;

Don't Take it Serious"

(quote on an old rubber stamp)
In several of these blogs, I've talked about the inevitability of suffering.
Enough of that. Let's talk about the power of playfulness.

You may have heard the expression that "Kid's play is kid's work." Play is where kids learn to deal with roles and other people, fine tune communicating their ideas and needs, exercise their bodies and widen their imaginations. Why would we want to give that up as adults? Yet many groan-ups (yes, that was deliberate) see life as one unending have-to-do list. I'm not advocating shirking responsibilities, though I am admittedly expert at it. I'm encouraging righting priorities. Play, laughter, positive thinking, joy have their own rafts of research supporting the idea that a good time is good for you.

At least twice a year, I go away to play with my pals at WAR (women's art retreat), where we hold theme dinners in dress up (wedding in Vegas, Beauty Pageant, Circus Night) and write ridiculous bits. For years I participated in an on-line salon where we exchanged thematic haikus, limericks, tom swifties and wrote bad country songs. There's lots of ways to make the ridiculous sublime. A few minutes a day softens the heart and sharpens the brain.

A few links for you:
Laughing Yoga
Laughing Yoga was started by a physician in India who to promote the healing benefits of laughter for the body and soul. Here John Cleese provides a 3 minute intro to the practice.

Global Belly Laugh Day
We're a few months off from the official Day (Jan. 24th), but we can start practicing. This site is also offers a wealth of research and related links.

Shop local:  Even if all the movies that week are dramas or documentaries, a look around the eclectic decor at Darkside Cinema holds grins for most of us. While you're there, pick up one of owner Paul Turner's books of essays or a Prancing Lavender Bunny T-shirt sporting one bad-ass buff biker bunny.

Dancing like a maniac always cheers me up.  Check out contra dances or take a Zumba or belly dancing class. 

 Laughter really is good medicine.
A good belly laugh reduces stress hormones that havoc the body and soul. Researchers in Loma Linda found cortisol and epinephrine levels drop, while human growth hormones and beta-endorphins rise when people experience, or even anticipate big fun. Other research shows laughter improves relationships, immunity, increases oxygenation, is cardioprotective, and helps us be more alert and creative.

Laughter connects us to others, reduces social and internal tensions, shifts perspective in positive ways, and relaxes our bodies for long after we stop giggling.  And most of the time, it's free!

Humor is an individual thing, and what some find funny others will find offensive or just dumb.  With that caution in mind, here's some web resources to get you going:

Funny or Die videos
The Onion News
Tweet Me Harder Podcast
The Institute of Official Cheer

 For a brainy look at laughter, listen to Radio Lab's Laughter episode.

 

You've got lots of choices and a long weekend to accomplishes a little happy.  Let me know what you can manage.  2 minute flash mob solo dance?  Play a game?  Plant a wonderful present for a friend? 

You'll figure something.

Now, go out there and don't come back until you've had some fun.

Yrs,
Jana
Here's John Cleese introducing us to Laughing Yoga:

Articulation: When Art Talks for Us

Say what you will about the evils of Facebook.  Info junkies like me find much to be loved there.  My last blog was prompted by friend Marilyn W's link to a 9 page NYTimes article,
I wouldn't have seen it otherwise.  And last night, a Serbian mail-artist posted a beautiful picture of an underwater installation that led me to the website of artist Jason deCaires Taylor.  How could I never have heard of this guy?  I spent a very long time looking at his amazing works.  I am so moved by them.  There is so much going on here-- the beauty and poignancy of the models, the interactions of the living environment in the moment, and the inevitable deconstruction/remaking of the statues as nature moves in.  Take a few minutes to visit his website, or view the film below.

We are lucky to have artists who can articulate what we feel but can't explain.  Thank them by visiting galleries, museums and by investing in their work.  If you're from the valley, this weekend's a good time to start at Corvallis's Fall Festival, where over 160 artists will be displaying their efforts.  Stay for the Saturday night dance!

January 17th Challenge: Thankful Thursday

Got Gratitude?
Being thankful is a logical step towards an "increase in general life satisfaction and contentment" (read: happiness).  Studies find that people who kept a gratitude journal a few weeks, noting three things per day that they were thankful for, had significant improvement in happiness levels (and symptoms of illness!) over a control group.  Interestingly, the effect appeared to increase over time, even after participants stopped keeping the journal.  Other studies have shown positive benefits for relationships, decreases in depression and anxiety symptoms, and improved sleep.  Some of these involved writing just five lines a week. 

More recent research had participants relate how they were involved in the grateful event they described.     Examples: 
"My triglyceride levels are down; I have been exercising more regularly."  
"I'm thankful for the good time I had with my friend/I am thoughtful to my friend".    
"The sunset was lovely/I took time out to appreciate it." 

grateful to have adventuresome friends and that i said yes

 Adding in the factor of personal agency greatly enhanced the reported sense of well-being. 

As in several of the previous challenges, this one takes little time and can easily be incorporated into your regular daily life.  Whether you do or not, just for today:
Write down what you are grateful for, big or small, about your day, and what if anything you had to do with it.  Or choose one of the deeper challenges mentioned in this article in the New York Times about the many benefits of cultivating thankfulness.

grateful rosie let me try her camera

In other news, I am happy to report that despite some unexpected obstacles on Wednesday, I only had to turn my bracelet 6 times.  That's about as good as I get.    See yesterday's challenge if that makes no sense.  Going complaint free is a good habit to try for many days in a row.  Visit complaintfreeworld.org for inspiration.

Quote of the day: 
 I am grateful for what I am and have.
My thanksgiving is perpetual...
O how I laugh when I think of my vague indefinite riches.
No run on my bank can drain it
for my wealth is not possession but enjoyment.

                   Henry David Thoreau

January 16th Challenge: Whine-Free Wednesday

We love to gripe.  Venting and kvetching have their place, but they have their downside.  When we perpetually notice the empty half of the glass, we limit our vision to what's missing.  We become hypnotized by our own negative chants.  After enough time looking at the world through crap-colored glasses, that's all we are going to see.

Today's challenge is to give a rest, already.  Let's take the day off from bitching.  We don't have to be pollyannas, but we can practice restraint.

Here's some tips:
Stick to facts ("it's raining again") rather than editorializing ("I hate this stupid weather").
Check your narrative.  Sometimes we add to our suffering with the stories we tell about it.  I remember waking up one day with a sore knee.  I immediately began imagining that it would be sore for a long time, that I'd have to stop hiking, etc.  I realized that my thoughts about the meaning of the soreness were more aggravating than the actual knee issue, and decided the knee pain was enough.
If something's bugging you and there's nothing to be done about it in the moment, practice tolerating discomfort.  I'm not talking about tolerating abuse or life-threatening situations.  I'm talking about bearing with the everyday irritations, disappointments and aches and pains that come with being alive.  Place yourself at a little comfortable distance and observe the negative thought/complaint without judgment.  Rest; stop struggling with it.  See yesterday's blog on mindfulness for resources and tips.
To help remember your intention today, wear a rubber band or easily removable bracelet on your wrist.  When you find yourself complaining, switch it to the other wrist. See if you can keep it on one arm for a couple of hours.

This last tip is one I give to clients who are in the habit of constant negative thinking. I got it from a newspaper article I happened upon several years ago.  It was a hard, hard day. I had arrived from out of town the night before to spend some time with my father, who was getting cancer treatment.  That night it rained torrents.  Instead of relaxing with my dad, I spent the next day helping my sister clean out flooded home.  We carried out hundreds of pounds of ruined clothes, furniture and keepsakes. Everything stank.  We were covered in filth and exhausted. My sister was strong, even as we threw away her precious keepsakes. "It could be worse", she said, and I looked at her as if she was insane.

After hours we took a break and went for sustenance and a newspaper.  The radio blared in the background, encouraging people "not touch contaminated objects"-- a joke; we WERE contaminated objects.  We sat on the porch;  the yard full of chairs, beds, appliances.  I read the paper over tea and spotted an article about a preacher in Kansas City who had begun a campaign to reduce negativity in his congregation.  He noted the research behind positive psychology, and got people to sign a pledge to go 21 days without complaining (the length of time it takes to well-establish a new habit).  It sounded good to me.  My mood was darker than the thunderstorm the night before.  We ran to the dollar store and purchased elastic beaded bracelets.


Truth:  I broke two bracelets the first day, switching them on and off.  More truth:  I am out of the habit of not complaining.  Maybe you don't need this challenge as much as I do.

But give it a shot.  See how it goes. I was surprised by how often my mind would wander into negative territory.  The bracelet served as a concrete reminder of my intention-- it increased my mindfulness.

Good luck,
Jana
PS--  tomorrow may be a Very Quiet Day for me.  Be gentle.


Related links:
www.janasvoboda.org/2011/01/resolution-10-accept-reality-as-it-is.html
www.complaintfreeworld.org
Song of the day:

January 15th Challenge: Trace The Braid

wildlife.  still loving it.

Just who do you think you are?
Today's challenge is to remember who you were-- the traits that defined you at age 5, 7 or 10-- that continues today.  What did you love that you still love?  What fascinates you now, and did way back then?  What scares you?  Where do you feel your limits and challenges, those that remain unchanged after all these years?

Look for your thread of continuity in the world.  When you know it, you answer, at least a little bit, these questions:
Who am I?
What is true for me?

forest hike/meditation, Kansas, 1976

tonight's beautiful crescent moon-- love her--

Knowing what has been and is true for me, what realities can I accept (stop resisting) about myself, and then learn to work with in a more graceful and passionate ways?  What strengths have always been with me, that I can remember to utilize in the now?



 Make a list of at least five. 
Here's some of mine:
I have always loved and been interested in the welfare of animals.

snakes.  still love 'em.

I have always felt compassion for and wanted to understand the underdog (snakes! spiders!)
justice.
I have always been impatient and wriggly.
I have struggled with and struggle with self-discipline.
I am curious and love to learn.
I love music.
I love the moon.
I love being in nature.


Want to share yours?  Do it here in the comment section, or on the facebook page at  https://www.facebook.com/groups/408167865930359/
As alway,
thanks for playing!
--Jana

January 14th Challenge: Find some stillness

First things first:  Stop for a minute after reading this paragraph, and do a quick body scan. Holding tension in your shoulders?  Hands?  Elsewhere? In your breath?  Let it soften.  Take one, two, three slow and steadying breaths-- a little slower, a little deeper than normal. 
Ahhh.
Better.
Mondays can be a hard change of pace back into Busy.  Today's challenge is to find a few minutes of stillness today.  Maybe that body scan and three breaths is all you'll manage.  It's a start.  But if you've time for more, check out one of these sites that can assist you in learning mindfulness practices.  Learning to step out of the hubbab and into the present moment has multiple, research proven health benefits: lowering stress (and related stress hormones), reducing blood pressure, improving immunity are a few.  A 2012 American Psychological Association article by Daphne Davis, PhD and Jeffrey Hayes, PhD provides a good overview:  read it here. 

UCLA's Mindful Awareness Research Center is a good place to begin.  They offer several free, downloadable audio clips of instruction and practice, including a five minute breathing meditation. 

Oxford University's 8 week mindfulness course is now in book form.  You can find several short meditations on the website franticworld.com, including one on chocolate!

There are multiple free resources collected on the aptly named freemindfulness.org website, including blody scans, meditations, breath exercises and guided imagery.

If you have time, explore this simple, well-written and easy to understand site:   thinkmindfully.com.
There's even an interactive exercise where you can type your thoughts in and watch them be placed on a leaf that floats down a stream. 

Enjoy, and let your Monday hold a place of peace to begin your week.
Jana

PS:  My pal Hal, who does my work website, make a room for you to take a breather by putting some of my photos to quiet music.  Come on by.
 

January 13th Challenge: Check your walls

Sunday, that day of rest...
Sort of.  For most of us, it's spent catching up to prepare for the work week:  grocery shopping, getting laundry done.    Hopefully your Sabbath included some time for reflection and reverence, however that works for you.  I had planned to be a little more reverent in slumber, but my sweetie thought we should get up and high-tail it to the early service.  It was a brisk 24 degrees, which in Corvallis feels like a deep-freezer, so I layered on long underwear, pants, vest, fleece and coat.  Glad we did.  The sermon was about walls and the concept of protection vs division.  The rev touched on Berlin, cell biology, Robert Frost (of course).  We sang my favorite hymn, Prayer For This House.  It concludes with this verse:

With laughter drown the raucous shout,
and, though these sheltering walls are thin,
may they be strong to keep hate out
and hold love in.

The allusion to cell walls is one I use often with my clients when discussing boundaries-- the idea of having a semi-permeable membrane that lets in nourishment while keeping out harm.

It's the difference between having a screen door and a brick wall.  One lets in the good stuff, the other blocks everything effectively-- including fresh air and light.

Take five minutes to look at where you may have overbuilt your defenses.  Are past hurts and fears disrupting your now?  If so, is there a way you can reassure your Self of protection, without being your own crippling helicopter parent, or shutting down opportunities for growth and nourishment?

And conversely, if your lack of fencing has led Psyche to be overwhelmed, how can you build shelter for Self?  Is it time you need, time for reflection and restoration? Are there relationships where you are sorely overfunctioning with little return?  Have you hushed your own voice so often that when it comes out, the pent-up energy distorts it?

Somewhere in between selfless and selfish a place we don't even seem to have a word to describe.  See where you are in the continuum, and adjust those fences.

Quote of the day, from Robert Frost's "Mending Walls".  This poem is often neglected to completely misdirect the meaning of its most famous line:  "Good fences make good neighbors".  
"Before I built a wall I'd ask to know 
What I was walling in or walling out,
 And to whom I was like to give offense".

January 12th Challenge: SatARTday

It's been quite the week.  You've faced your own mortality, practiced releasing expectations, and fought injustice.  I figured you could use a little juice in your tank.

Today's challenge is to immerse yourself in some art.  It can be your own or another's.  You can seek it out in unexpected places.  Go for a LONG walk and see what you can find.  You'd be surprised at the art you can find in alleys and yards.  Or go to a gallery, a museum, or a public place such as a library or hospital.  Research the tiny galleries in your town.  In Corvallis, there are rotating exhibits at the hospital, co-op, Unitarian Church and several coffee houses.  Seek out art.

Visual art, like music, provides articulation to emotions, memories and the subconscious that might otherwise remain intangible.  It is an outlet, a catalyst.  It encourages divergent thinking, critical analysis, mindful contemplation, and emotional processing. Studies show exposure to art is linked to increased happiness and reduction of stress whether you are creating or observing it.  Public art builds community identity and cohesion, a sense of place that softens the dividing structures of walls abd roads that tell the lie we are so very separate.  

Not all art is light-hearted.  This month at the Corvallis Art Center is a powerful, unavoidably political show of hundreds of white china plates, created by Professor and artist Julie Green.  Each plate is displayed next to a small pin with a number, and each of those numbers and plates represents a person who lived, breathed, had connections and hopeful people who loved hem.  Each is an inmate executed in the United States, and their last meal request is painted in simple strokes on these china plats The concept is so simple; the impact so profound.  "Washington, 5 January 1993:   Salmon, Potatoes, Vegetable, Green Salad Dessert"  There is something very humanizing about these choices.  Some wanted family to cook for them (most jails denied that).  Texas outlawed special requests over 20, then got rid of them altogether.  Seeing these plates, these meals--some sad, some grandiose, some defiant.--I think I ran the emotional gamet.  The prisoners seemed to choose iconic meals.  Some want home cooking; some don't want to think they'll forgotten anything  and order as much of everything that they can, grasping at that last investment in the corporeal while a heart, their human heart, still beats, exercising the bequeath of a final comfort just a bit of control.If you can take it, stop by,  Wander from plate to plate and see if you can combine some of the challenges for the week into one amalgam of compassion, stillness, release of expectations.  If the end, if you feel called to duty, perhaps you can write to a governor in a state where last meal requests are denied to ask this human to human gesture be reinstated.


There are monsters represented in Julie's plates.  Humans that through genetics, circumstance, drugs or desperation unmitigated by outside support and intervention ended up in very dark places, doing terrible things.  Some may be lacking the "empathy gene"-- their brains may truly be incapable of imagining other people as three dimensional human beings.  But they had  lives that I imagine extended many directions beyond that moment when everything went wrong.
Some of the inmates (estimates vary from 10-20) were mentally ill ; nearly all had brain damage from trauma of illness.  Since 1963, more than 80 persons with mental retardation or severe mental issue were executed.  I won't debate here whether they deserved it as a result of their inhumane actions.  But they deserved some comfort, some last lingering demonstration that there is a difference approach to the Other.  One that is predicated in compassion and recognition of a soul worthy of redemption.   The Green Mile and Dead Man Walking are two powerful films that demonstrate this viscerally. 

Making art with Val last weekend

Go see it if you can.  The Last Supper, Arts Center Corvallis, 7th and Madison, through Mid February,
If that's too heavy, reel it in.  Find an easier tableau.  Or make a small piece of art and hide it as a gift in a public place-- a valentines card, a small origami swan, , a decorated envelope.  Write a confession on am illustrated postcard and send it in to the Interzone Post-Secret show.  Invite a friend over to craft.Decorate your wall outlets with collage, embossable metal, beautiful papers.    Paint wildly on wet paper.  If you need ideas, there's many to be found on the internet, at the library, or ask a kid.  Go to a natural area and arrange found objects into a pleasing temporary sculpture (get inspired:  watch a video or read a book about Andy Goldsworthy first).  You'll figure something out.  If you're inclined, find a friend or two with whom you can adventure together.

Send me photo evidence of what you make or find.  If you're willing, I will post some in these pages
Quote of the day:   
"What art offers is space - a certain breathing room for the spirit.  ~John Updike"
Song of the day:

January 11 Challenge: Work to Change Bad Realities

How's this for crazy making?
Yesterday's challenge included this line: 
"What would happen if we expected reality to be just as it is?"
And taken out of context, it would appear today's challenge is asking you to do the exact opposite.

Today, think about some social, political, environmental issue that raises your blood pressure.  And do something about it.

When faced with a problem, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy founder Marsha Linehan says we have four choices.  We can solve it, change our perception of it, practice radical acceptance (which is NOT approval, but releasing resistance to what cannot be changed-- touched upon in yesterday's challenge), or stay miserable.

Today I want you to think about a reality you find difficult to accept-- something outside of yourself.  Racism, poverty, current gun sales laws.  It doesn't have to be nearly that big.  Maybe you worry about classroom sizes, or lack of funding for the arts in schools.

Pick an issue, something you feel passionate about.  And then do something about it.  Write your local paper or local representatives.  Volunteer to do the thing you think needs to get done.  Change your behavior in some concrete way so you are contributing less to the problem or more to the solution.

Think about it.  It was the people's refusal to accept socially constructed realities around women's rights, interracial marriage, slavery, segregation that finally changed laws that supported this injustices.  When enough people make enough noise (or even more importantly, change their own behaviors), reality shifts.  In the last several years, we've been faced with such overwhelming complexity in issues like education, environmental change, and information privacy, to name a few, that many of us have thrown up our hands.  "What difference can one person make?"

Not much.  But many drops make a stream, and many streams a river.  And a river can change an entire landscape.

How will you begin?  What can you do today?

Let me know,
Jana
Today's quote:  “The world is not dangerous because of those who do harm but because of those who look at it without doing anything” ~ Albert Einstein

January 10th Challenge: Check Your Expectations

"Expectations are premeditated resentments."

this sky should be blue

A friend (shout-out, Rosie S!) recently shared this quote from AA philosophy.   Reading online about the various interpretations, I found this:  "I understand how this short axiom can be confusing without the contextual background provided by AA (or Buddhism for that matter). The overriding premise is other people, places, and things are not my problem. How I respond to other people, places, and things is my problem."

When we bring an expectation into a situation, we have a predetermined outcome pictured. And with that, we've already limited our response and our experience.   "He doesn't love me" may be a true and difficult fact.  "He should love me" is a judgment, and an expectation that reality (something outside our control) is wrong.  This sets even more trouble into play.

How we respond= our response-ability.  Today's challenge is to notice your expectations.  See how they are linked to judgment and story-telling, and how the impact the outcome.  Do you cherry-pick data to support the expectation?  Do you ignore the data and expect, for example, the roommate who has historically been messy will be neat today, and thus become disappointed anew?

What would happen if we expected reality to be just as it is?  If we accepted that the answer to most of our questions about the future is simply this:
 "I don't know."

This doesn't mean we don't plan, don't act strategically based on history.  But we can gently, lovingly release a bit of our grasping on how we think things ought to be.  Then we may have just a little more energy for dealing with how they are.

Today's song is rated Geez Whiz You'll Hear Worse at Any School Yard for language and adult themes, but is an excellent example of expectations as resentments.

January 9th Challenge: Take a Walk

Now that I busted your chops with Tuesday's heavy consider-mortality challenge, I thought we'd better do some self-soothing.

Today's challenge is easy*:  take a walk.
It would be great if you can take a real long ramble.  But it's hump day, so do what you can.  Park a little further away than usual.  Or walk to work, or lunch, or down the hall to speak to a coworker rather than instant-messaging or emailing them.

The benefits of walking are multitude:  environmental, psychological, physical.  Walking soothes the soul; note how animals in a zoo and humans in a stressful situation pace. The alternating movements of the limbs encourages cross-communication in the brain and is, in a way, like being rocked.

We can see more when we walk, especially if we put away the mobile devices.  We have a chance to interact with people, nature, and the human environment.

Let me know what happens for you.
Jana
 *p.s.  There are some people I know who can't walk.  Rolling works.  Or dance in your bed.  If nothing else, dream a walk with your beautiful brain.

From a 2010 blog

Above all, do not lose your desire to walk.  Every day I walk myself into a state of well-being and walk away from every illness.  I have walked myself into my best thoughts, and I know of no thought so burdensome that one cannot walk away from it.  --Soren Kierkegaard

Ten good reasons to walk, by Wendy Bumgardner.  Live longer, lose weight, prevent diabetes, and more.  "

When you have worn out your shoes, the strength of the shoe leather has passed into the fiber of your body.  I measure your health by the number of shoes and hats and clothes you have worn out".  --Ralph Waldo Emerson

And there's also

1.  Time to think.  "Thoughts come clearly while one walks".  --Thomas Mann

2.  Savings in time and money:  See the math here.  

3.  Carbon load reduction: Each gallon of gas used equals 19.5 lbs of carbon dioxide emissions according to US Department of Energy.

4.  A chance to observe things you would otherwise never see.  "In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks."  --John Muir

5.  Community building:  chat up your neighbors, get to know your town.

 See you 'round the block--

January 8th Challenge: Ponder Your Mortality

Ready for something a little meatier?  It's Tuesday; the weekend past already a distant memory and the one ahead so far away.  As long as we are in the doldrums, let's dive in.
As the title suggests, today's challenge is not for the faint of heart. Or perhaps it is EXACTLY for that.  Who knows when yours will beat for the last time?
On Being host Krista Tippet noted there's something interesting about mortality: "It's not at all special but it is something that we manage to avoid an awareness of, especially in Western culture". 

Annie, late September 2012

And it's on my mind tonight, as I prepare a memorial for a friend.  Anne was one of the liveliest, most loving, most joyful persons I have known.  The picture you see was taken only five weeks before she died of pancreatic cancer, and 3 months after she completed that half-marathon in the other picture.    That September day we did yoga, sang, strolled the beach, laughed heartily, made art.  She led the group of us in a Qi Gong session.  We talked about what she was facing.  We knew logically she was dying-- the cancer had spread to her liver, and she'd been told medical treatments were useless by then.  Yet it was still unimaginable that such force, such aliveness, could be so in the world and then-- leave.  She made peace with it.  She died as she had lived, full of light and love.

What is the point of considering our time here to be finite?  There are many. We can examine how we spend our days, and remembering they are numbered, choose more clearly where our energy goes. We can appreciate the richness of the present moment. 

proud mama, proud son-- Half Marathon, Smashed It!

It's a heavy topic, I know.  It's also a common denominator to all of our stories.

Possible ways to meet today's challenge:
Write your own obituary.   Extra credit:  write two.  One as if you died tomorrow, and one as if you died years from now.  What's the difference in where your energy was focused?  What do you have left to accomplish?  What do you want to be less important in your future story than in your present one?
Plan your preferred funeral.  Cremation?  Burial?  Urn, or spreading of ashes? 
Where ?  What form and focus would you like your last party to take?  How would you envision friend and family participating?  How will the setting, the readings, the songs add to easing the journey and help heal the grieving?
Make your bucket list.  What do you want to do with the rest of your life?
Obtain and complete a Living Will or Advanced Medical Directive.  Then make sure someone (or several) you know and trust have a copy.  There are difficult questions in there:  do you want your life prolonged at any cost?  Would you prefer to halt medical treatment that only delays your death but does not enhance your life?

we miss Darrell's details and yet his work is his legacy 

Aim for a little immortality.  Donate blood.  Register as an organ donor.  If you've got money, arrange that some of it goes to a public land trust, library, spiritual or educational center, or other institution you support.
Maybe you could do this with the support and creative juice of others.  Find a quiet place you and fill out those directives together.

Other ideas?
PS we love you so, sweet Annie. Thank you for all your inspirations and belly laughs.  Thank you for teaching us about life and death.  You still shine.

Quote of the day:  “It is necessary to meditate early, and often, on the art of dying to succeed later in doing it properly just once.”  ~Umberto Eco
Song of the day, against my daughter's wishes-- she apparently does not like these guys, but I love this song and especially this backyard version.

Mitsvah Monday, and some revisionist /Reconstructionist history

all play and no blog this weekend

Hi.  Miss me?  I missed you.  I was busy in the woods and mountains doing secret challenges involving taking risks, creating, observing a day of rest, and connecting with nature.  I'll give you an extra challenge for Groundhog Day to make up.

Those of you on the Facebook Group (join here now) did get late instructions to connect with nature.  What a fine job you did.  We had Mount Tabor climbers, photo-documenting the experience.  We had bird watchers and swan lovers and compost composers.

Remember, you can do these tasks at any time during the month, and you are eligible for a prize if you finish all by Feb 2, Groundhog's day.  The winner receives a random desk drawer dumped into a box, or other assorted treasures, and smug satisfaction, increase in general positive warm feelings towards self and others, shiner hair, etc.

Sunday--seeing that it's over now, you can count as your day of rest.  Anyone want to share some good self-care tales from their day?  Here's mine:  jammies and art and packing up to retreat from out retreat.  Long meandering (alternating with terrifying hurtling times) ride down the snow mountain.  Singing.  My yearly peppermint milkshake.  Some kitchen dancing.  Connection with competent women.

Don't just stand there-- be a dear/deer

Which brings us to today's Monday Mitsvah Challenge:  Do a kindness for another.  As always, the opportunities are endless and varied.  You can loan someone your phone, pay them a compliment, but them a cup of fair-trade tea.  You can offer to do something important and helpful even if it's not in your job descriptions.  You can take something sweet to a shut-in, perhaps soup or maybe just your company.  Smile and greet strangers, volunteer at the soup kitchen, let someone in a bigger hurry go ahead in line. Teach someone a skill they need, or assist them. do.  Pay a compliment.  Buy someone a cup of tea.  You get the picture.

Brooke from Ohio offers today's quote:
"Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible". Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama
 Today's song from the wonderful project PLAYING FOR CHANGE:

January 4th Challenge: Gather Evidence to the Contrary

one narrative...

How's your autobiography going?  I'm not talking about a written one, but about the stories we tell ourselves daily about who we are and what we are capable of doing.  Many of us hold self-limiting beliefs that weigh us down.  Today's challenge is to identify one of these and then diligently search for evidence to the contrary.

Examples worth challenging:
I haven't accomplished much in my life.
There's no one I can turn to for help.
I'm not brave.
I can't change.


And nearly anything that starts with:  "I'm always/ I'm never"
 
Check your narrative.  Think of a negative you hold true for yourself.  Spend a few minutes pondering the effects of holding on to the negative belief.  Then sift through your personal history searching for any evidence that refutes it.  Be creative.  Remember, for example, that being brave doesn't mean doing something fearlessly, but doing it even if you are scared.  Think of times you did.  Write down your evidence!

Extra karmic credit:  Put it in action.  Add to your evidence today.

See you Saturday,
Jana


Quote of the day:
"Be not afraid of growing slowly, be only afraid of standing still."  ~Chinese proverb
Song of the day:

January 3 Challenge: Get Er Done

born to be distracted

What's that hanging over your head?

Today's challenge is to take care of one thing on the To-Do list.  What's something you've been putting off?
Scheduling that mammogram/colonoscopy/dental check up?  Opening up that bill or email?  Returning that sweater that doesn't fit, that phone call that feels like trouble?

Pick one thing, small or large.  Write it down.  Do it.  Cross it off.  Be done!

There's a general law regarding animal behavior: avoid discomfort.  Did you ever do that experiment in biology class where you aim a little laser light or prod a sharp pin at an amoeba?  Even these little single celled creatures, lacking a central nervous system, will move out of the way.  We move out of the way too, and embellish with lots of rationalizations and distractions.  We're more sophisticated in behavioral repertoire. And the funny thing is, Brain happily accepts temporary comfort of avoidance as a Big Reward: DING!  Problem averted!  But this momentary relief is often accompanied by prolonged vague dread.  And psychological dis-ease.  Enough of that and we can even get physical disease.  Remember, Mind and Body occupy the same vehicle.  We really aren't as smart as more instinctual life-forms.  We cause ourselves all sorts of trouble with our temporary avoidance.

don't wither on the branch

We also procrastinate because, as humans, we are fantastic story-tellers.  When we aren't sure what will happen next, we make up tales.  Usually scary ones.  Like:  the dentist will yell at me for missing my last cleaning, then say all the teeth must go.

Most of the time, our dread of the task consumes much more energy than the actual doing of it.  The stories are overblown.  And even when they aren't-- when we are facing something that truly is going to be difficult, no ifs, ands or buts-- well, it doesn't go away just because we don't do it.  If there IS a tumor, the bill IS really high, the person IS frustrated we haven't called back-- it's not getting less complicated with delay.

Dealing with the hard stuff = hell to pay.  Putting it off:  Hell to pay, plus interest.

I can write for days about procrastination.  I'm a pro at it.  Maybe I will pick five things for Thursday's challenge.  I'll let you know what I did.   How about you?   What does future self want you to take care of now?

Related reading:  The Now Habit:  A Strategic Program for Overcoming Procrastination and Enjoying Guilt Free Play.  Neil Fiore, PhD.
Quotes of the day:  “God has promised forgiveness to your repentance, but He has not promised tomorrow to your procrastination.”  St. Augustine
"Procrastination is the thief of time.  Collar him."  Charles Dickens

Vid of the day: 

January 2 Challenge: Lighten Your Load

stuff

Stuff.  Most of us have lots of stuff.  I have more than most. I was one of those kids who always had treasures in her pockets, in little boxes.  I saved rocks from trips, letters from pen pals, my brownie pin, the tangerine my sweetheart gave me on our first date that dessicated on the windowsill before I could eat it. 

Some of my stuff lifts me up.  Some of it just weighs me down.   Whether our extra baggage is physical, metaphorical or psychological, we could all stand to lose a little. Today's challenge is to lighten your load in a symbolic or actual way.  By doing so, we have the opportunity to give a nod to impermanence, investigate our attachments and the trouble they cause us, and maybe even clear out a little breathing room.

For many of us January 2 is the first day back at work after a long break.  You can make this challenge as big or small as you like; it can be a five minute task or an all day affair.  Here are some ideas:

Pack a box for Goodwill or another charity shop.  Give a nice outfit you no longer need to an organization like Dress for Success, which provides wardrobes for job seekers.  Regift something to someone who will appreciate or use it.  Pass some canned goods and packaged foods on to a food bank.  Take some of those leftover treats to work to share. 

Give something up for the day (or longer).  If you've overindulged during the holidays, take a day off from sugar, simple carbs, junk.

more stuff 

On the more psychological side:
Examine your limiting beliefs and behaviors and choose one to give up just for today.  Perhaps self-deprecation, negativity, or self-righteousness.
Surrender a resentment toward yourself, a situation or a person.  Write it down, "out of the body and onto the page", and how you will live it today.  Maybe add what you see as a positive outcome of choosing to release it.

I'm betting you all will come up with other inventive ways to play with the idea of shedding some excess. 
Let me know how you managed to lighten up a little today.  You can leave comments here, email me or join us on Facebook.

Thanks for being company on the 31 day challenge!
Jana

Quote of the day:

Contrary to what some people might believe, there is nothing wrong with having pleasures and enjoyments. What is wrong is the confused way we grasp onto these pleasures, turning them from a source of happiness into a source of pain and dissatisfaction. ~Lama Yeshe

Song of the day:  This one stymied me.  I'm up for better answers, but it has the theme of nonattachment.

GOT RESOLVE? Happy New Year!

Welcome to a brand-spanking New Year!

prizes!

Here's your annual chance to put a new spin on your story.  Door Number Two holds 31 ways to get-er-done, and a strange and wonderful surprise package for the first to complete them all.

Every day this month we'll have a new challenge hand-picked to assist you on your path to a Shinier, Sparklier, Healthier, Happier and Even More Attractive YOU.

Now here's the deal with resolutions:  more than half of us make them every January 1st.  Most of us make the same ones every year:  lose weight, quit (x), start (y).When we are specific, nearly half of us are still at it 6 months later, compared to the lousy 4% crowd who merely thought generally about self-improvement.  Door Number Two has lofty goals for you, but with tiny achievable daily objectives and lots of choices.  Y
Subscribe to the feed or join the Facebook group to keep up.  If you're willing, post your progress in the comments. 

Ready?
Roll up your sleeves and let's dive in with RESOLUTION ONE:

CLEAN UP YOUR ACT.

Tons of spiritual traditions involve a ritual wash to start new efforts.  This ranges from an early morning handwashing to begin the day to an immersion in a body of water to cleanse the soul.   Live the metaphor of a fresh start by preparing a ceremonial cleanse for the first day of your new year.

Before you get wet, spend a few minutes contemplating what you are releasing from the last year. (Extra credit:  rite it down!)   Take some nice, calm breaths and prepare yourself for a fresh start.  Imagine the water as your alchemical assistant in the process.  
 
Here's some choices:
Take a sauna.
Prepare a wonderful bath.  Consider candles, a balancing salt additive-- whatever floats your boat.

Find a body of water and take a splash bath.  Or do it up big and take a polar swim! (Note from my inner yenta:  if you live somewhere like my latitude, don't do this alone, or without a wetsuit.  Takes about 45 seconds to lose muscle control in this water).
Soak and cleanse your feet, then love them up with some lotion and cozy socks.
Wash your face, with intention and kindness, as a mother might wash that of a child she loves.
Wash your hands, slowly and carefully, and think of the hands in your life that have brought you to this new year.

Related link:  Lisa Wells, Yogi of Live Well Studios, has a nice blog on yogic skin care here.
 Quote of the day:
"Sorrow can be alleviated with good sleep, a bath, and a glass of wine."  ~St. Thomas Aquinas

Happy new beginnings!
Song of the day:  

Stirring Towards The Sun

"Au milieu de l'hiver, j'apprenais enfin qu'il y avait en moi un été invincible."-- Albert Camus

Solstice greetings, surviviors!   We made it past the latest apocalypse and apparently, we are still here.  And in the words of Dr. Who, we are now "halfway out of the dark".  All over the world, winter solstice is marked by celebrations and rituals marking the return of the light and new beginnings.  After weeks of increasing nights, we are stirring towards the sun.

Seems a perfect time for reflection and shedding of the dark we want to leave behind.  Light a candle, write down your regrets, and make a plan to let them go.

In ten days I'll start the January Challenges.  This year let's go for broke:  31 days to a shinier, happier, *new and improved you!  The blog will feature a tip and a challenge a day for increasing happiness, health, community, and creativity.  Your participation and comments are invited and welcome.

Song of the day:


Wishing you warm blessings for the holidays,
Jana
(*Not that you aren't perfect just as you are...)

January Challenge Coming

Watch this space.  In January I will be doing my traditional Month O'Daily Blogs, most likely featuring a daily challenge. Last year's 31 days of creativity will be hard to top.  Let me know if you have a wish for this year's theme.

Meanwhile, for those of you heading back to the ole nest for a winter reunion, here's the annual Home for The Holidaze re-run.

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 "Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your head"-- Martin  Mull

Christmas and Hanukkah are boom times for therapists.  What is it about holidays that cause so much trouble?  There's the  obvious:   the extra activities to cram in too already crazy busy lives, the financial strains, the booze and sugar hangovers.

And there's  the poignant and sometimes painful difference between the Hallmark commercials of ideal family communion and reality of messy humans coming together with their messy selves.

We spend the latter years of our family-of-origin time struggling to develop identities that resonate with our souls.  Part of that journey means turning away from the very sources of our safety and nurturing-- to be able to find enough differences between ourselves and our parents that we can leave them.


And then the holidays come.  And with it, questions unconscious or not.


Can I be different and still belong?  Can I be true to me and still be loved by you?

Visiting home, or reuniting with relatives, we bump into our younger selves.  Dependent, less competent, locked into family or community roles we may have long since left.   Oftentimes these self portraits aren't held so much by others as projected by us.  Boundaries shift, alliances conflict, and sometimes we fall apart.
We may also struggle to see others as they see themselves without us, and call them back into roles that no longer fit.

Reunions seem to work best when we notice our thoughts and judgments, and remind ourselves they are just that-- impressions and projections, not facts.  I read in a book on some subject seemingly unrelated to therapy-- I think it was economics-- that people are all looking through their own very narrow aluminum tubes, and thinking they are seeing the same thing that others see, looking at different points through their tubes.  When we can rise above ourselves take an eagle eye view, we gain understanding and compassion.  We get that in any given moment in time, we are acting with the limitations with us right then-- just like everyone else.  Sometimes we are being very limited.  We snap and complain, out of tiredness or just confusion from being out of our element or stretched past our resources.  We overfunction, out of hopes we will be shown the love we need.  We isolate, out of fear we don't belong.  And yet we still want acceptance, or at least recognition of our validity.  As do those we love, acting out of their own limitations of the moment.

If you find yourself with loved ones trying hard to conjure up some love, see if you can show them the same acceptance for who they are as you are hoping them to show you.  Even or especially if you disagree with their choices.  In between reminiscing in the sweetness or horror of how things used to be, remember to be curious about how things are now for them, and who they are becoming.  Relinquish your internalized limitations for them and maybe they can do the same for you.  If worse comes to worst, try the OLA strategy.

As hard as you try, no one can escape the horror of Christmas, so you may as well be with your own family."—Liz Lemon, 30 Rock

May the holidays and the new year find your heart ever expanding,
Jana