This is your brain on drugs...

 As always, for more information click the highlighted links.

First-- that's a misleading title.  I really want to talk about neurotransmitters, not drugs.  Let's call them NTs for short, because I am a lazy typist.

NTs are the little chemical stews that regulate much of our emotional life.  Too short or overstocked on some, and we fall on one end or another of the bell curve that folks call "normal".  In the next few posts I will be talking about the spectrum of difference we call mental disorders and how chemistry may be involved.  I will be doing some wild speculating, so take me with a grain-- or block-- of salt.  The theories spring from many years of work in the field and lots of reading, as well as my own particular biases.

Let's start with my biases.  I think that humans are profoundly affected by both nature and nurture.  By nature, I mean the machines of our particular genetics and the effect of environment on the same.  Familial nutrition (up to generations back), and current physical environment such as toxin exposure effect the nature part.  By nurture, I am referring not only to the emotional climate of our upbringing but exposure to information and experiences throughout life.  I firmly believe in the plasticity of every brain-- the ability to reroute, change and grow in spite of our genetics.  But I also believe those genetics set up the game.

Seems to me those pesky NTs and hormones play a pretty big role.  How much dopamine, oxytocin, testosterone, serotonin etc is flowing in the system-- either manufactured or being able to be received and used-- appears to have a lot to do with how we act and feel.  It may define our temperament and personality. 

I also believe that humans are naturally narcissistic.  As one author put it (and sorry, being a print surfer I can't remember where I read this), everything we know, feel, see comes through our filter and has happened to us. We are the lead actor in our lives, and the rest of the world our backdrop.   From birth on, we see our view as The View.  Luckily, we are usually naturally altruistic too.  But since our genes and those pesky NTs may decide in advance what we feel, we may have a lot harder time understanding how it is that someone else can feel or act a lot differently. What we cannot perceive, we cannot receive. In addition to what we learn, see and experience, NTs are involved in development of empathy.  Some of us have a lot of it, and others not so much.

More biases:  I think "normal" is overrated.  We benefit greatly from the variation of expression and thinking that results from the edges of that bell curve.  Folks with what I suspect is lots less dopamine than the average homo sapien tend to be perfectionistic, orderly, obsessively detailed and restricted in their emotional range and expression.  They don't get overly excited or reactive, and they are meticulous in thinking and performance.  That's just what I want in my accountant or surgeon.  I'm not saying that all in those field are like that, but that it is adaptive and helpful in certain professions or experiences.  On the other hand, people with bipolar disorder tend to have lots of energy, emotion and enthusiasm- at least some of the time--- as well as creativity, quick-wittedness, and quirkiness.  They make better artists than those dopamine-deprived folks.  Again, I am talking in generalities.

Last bias:  as hinted in the previous paragraph, I think nature is doing its deal by spreading out the variations to the gene pool.  Barbara Kingsolver talks about this in her book, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle.  In any given year, heirloom (read: not genetically modified) corn seed will produce a variable yield.  That's because some of the seed works well in wet years, some in dry; some with early warmth and some with later frosts.  This insures that any given year at least some of that corn will grow.  It's no different with us humans.  Some of our genetic tendencies will be either culturally or environmentally more desirable in a given era.  Luckily, it's not only those that get passed down, because times change.

Related post:  What's in A Name?  Diagnostic Dilemmas

That's it for tonight. See you soon,
Jana
Must be an Ani DiFranco sort of week...

Resolution #31: Create a Map for Your Destination

First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.  --Epitetus

    This is it-- the final day of the 31 days of resolutions.  Thanks to you that have made this journey with me.  It was fun and challenging to make a decision and stick to it even when other things tried to distract me.  Now it's time to get to work on putting these words into practices.

The vision must be followed by the venture.  It is not enough to stare up the steps - we must step up the stairs.     --Vance Havner


The month's grand finale' is to craft a visual inspiration for your 2011 goals.  Known as vision or dream boards, these tools serve to provide inspiration and reminders to your intentions for your life.

If you don't know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else. --Lawrence J. Peter

The steps:
Get a large piece of cardboard or posterboard. 
Gather up some old magazines.  If you don't have any, there's usually places in town where you can find them free or cheap.  Here in Corvallis, the local Folk Thrift store keeps a stack of donated mags near the exit door.
Clip out pictures that signify what it is you want in your life.  These can be concrete or abstract.  For example, you might choose a beautiful forest scene to remind you to practice your shinrin-yoku, or as a connotation of increased relaxation.  Perhaps you've decided to increase your fitness or lower your impact on the environment and place a picture of someone walking or bicycling.
Add words, if you wish, to emphasize or expand your choices.  
Place your vision board in an area you can see it regularly.  Spend a few moments each day or week to remind yourself of your intentions.

If you get intimidated by this process, an alternative is to simply place the pictures and words into a container.  You still need to get them out and look at them once in a while to help your focus.  Thanks to my dear friend Peggy for encouraging me in this last resolution.  She suggests that if you're more into the 3 dimensions, you may want to have a table where you can place objects in addition to pictures.

I've said before I'm not a big fan of books and films promoting the idea that one gets desires and needs met simply by wishing them.  But I do think we have a lot better chance of getting where we are going when we have a destination in mind.  Refining our goals cognitively and visually keeps us intention and aware.  Maybe the universe will meet us halfway or maybe we get there mostly on our own.  But when we are paying attention, we are much more likely to find what we are looking for.

It is never too late to be who you might have been.  ~George Eliot

Resolution #30: Resist Reactivity

I got to Oregon indirectly.  I fell in love with the Willamette Valley while visiting a hospitalized friend many, many years ago.  He'd been severely injured in an auto accident.  I stayed a few weeks as he drifted in and out of coma and slowly began his recovery from a traumatic brain injury.  I knew then that this was where I wanted to live.  He came to visit us a few years after we moved here, long after his accident.  We went to eat at  Nearly Normal's, a local restaurant.  It was an appropriate choice.  During the meal we talked about our lives over the ensuing years.  When I told him a funny story, his laughter filled the room. When I talked about hardships, so did his tears.  His intense reactions were so unusual that a waiter came to ask him if everything was all right.  He replied earnestly:  "Don't worry, it's just brain damage."

A common sequela of brain injury is a "emotional disinhibition", or lack of  squelching of our full emotional range.  But the truth is, there's a big variation in individual emotional expression.  Some of us are pretty contained.  Our ecstatic and our distressed don't look all that different.  Maybe I shouldn't say "us" here-- I have a much larger range.  Think of it like singing-- some people have a musical range (distance between the lowest and highest note they can sing) of maybe an octave and a half.  Others may have four, even five.  Everything in between is pretty much average. 

Back to our subject.  Our emotional reactivity-- or range-- can get us in big trouble.  If we underreact to important things (think denial, numbness), we get in trouble.  But more often, it is our over-reaction that causes harm.  We think the worst and suffer in advance about consequences that never happen.  We are sure we cannot withstand discomfort than in hindsight we barely remember.

Here's the visual I use with clients.   I call it the Drama Dial.   Think of a meter like the top 50% of a clock.  Imagine it divided into thirds.  On the left side is numbness, coldness, deadness.  But when we are dysregulated, we are usually way over on the far third.  We feel crazy, anxious, fiery.  Our thoughts and behaviors are impulsive and disorganized. Our goal at this time should be to get back to the middle.  I picture the Dalai Lama, with his incredibly peaceful smile.  He looks like a bomb could go off and he would say-- hmm, that was loud.

The goal is that sort of compassionate observation, without reactivity. 

And this is the vision.  To get to Door Number Two, that place in the middle where we can with calm curiosity look at the messes we are making.  And we can decide on new paths. 

When you are thinking of making changes in your life, and are filled with dread and discomfort, imagine yourself dialing things back down.  Imagine you are the eye in the hurricane, watching all the fearsome action but filled with still and quiet.  Observe your narrative about your fears of change, your clinging to Known.  Like the Dalai Lama, look at yourself with total love and compassion.  Forgive yourself for the disasters of your emotional thinking and open your heart to the possibility of positive change.

One to go!
Many, many thanks to you who have written comments about this 31 day journey.  They have lifted my spirit and kept me moving.
Jana
Today's vid:

Resolution #29: Respect The Intention of Your Resistance

This one may sound like a puzzler.  But a big reason we can have a hard time changing is because of that baby in the bathwater.  In other words, many of the harmful things we do have a positive intention or a pleasurable immediate effect.  It's the implementation or its aftereffects that get us in trouble.

We avoid something because it makes us anxious.  Wanting to be less anxious is a reasonable intention.  But when we have it hanging over our heads, we get guilt, shame, sometimes increased costs and troubles-- and in the end, more anxiety.  Identifying what we give up by changing, whether it's momentary anxiety or future unknowns, can help us address resistance factually or by developing new skills.

Many persons struggling with obesity don't fully recognize their intentions of holding onto excess weight.  Getting to a healthier weight can be about more than giving up the easy comfort and quick dopamine hits of certain foods.  It may mean facing sexual attention, dealing with anxiety around intimacy, or losing an excuse for avoiding life changes put off until that extra weight is gone.

Similarly, most things we say we want entail not only gains, but losses.  Sometimes the loss is just predictability.  Sometimes it is more.  Figure out what your resistance wants, and see if you can find a healthy way to replace the intention without the troublesome behavior. 

Resolution #28: Acknowledge and Challenge Resistance

Note:  Not my art.  Wish it was. Thank you to Glenn for tracking down the artists, Alex Koplin and David Melkejohn..  Keep them in art supplies by purchasing the print and get more info on their work at  h34dup.com  

OK-- back to work.  Three to go!  Finishing off the month with ways to improve our chances of making those resolutions, we have today's topic:  why it's so hard to change.

In a previous post, I talked about brain's desire to hang onto to instant dopamine hits as a reason we don't change.  Of course, it's not that simple.  We want things to be different, really we do.  But despite our intentions, we end up back in the same old places.  There are other forces at work besides chemistry.  A chief one:  we prefer predictible crap to the unknown.

Imagine you are standing at a cliff.  Wait-- make that clinging, very uncomfortably.  If you let go, maybe you fly and land in a much better place.  But maybe you just crash to a very messy end.
When faced with the big Don't Know, we tend to tell very scary stories.  The plane will crash, the relationship will end with not only a broken heart but a painful divorce.  We won't get the interview and will end up living under the bridge. 

Occasionally, parts of the story may be true.  Things may not work out exactly the way we hope, especially if we have unrealistic expectations of perfection.  Life is messy.  But rarely do they end as badly as we imagine when we can't even bring ourselves to try.  Still, to protect ourselves, sometimes we can't even get as far as beginnning to make the changes that might possibly lead us to happiness.  We repeat the same behaviors, sometimes hoping for a different ending, and sometimes just addicted to predictable ones. 

Tomorrow's post will talk about what we fear giving up.  But today, look at just the fear.  Spend a little time looking at ways you sabotage your own success.  Question whether you are trading comfort for happiness.

Related post:  What Anxiety Wants is Predictability

And instead of a song, today we have a poem.  Cheesy but powerful!

Autobiography in 5 short chapters
By Portia Nelson

I
I walk down the street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in
I am lost… I’m helpless
It isn’t my fault
It takes forever to find a way out

II
I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I pretend I don’t see it
I fall in again
I can’t believe I am in the same place
But, it isn’t my fault
It still takes a long time to get out

III
I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I see it is there
I still fall in… it’s a habit
My eyes are open
I know where I am
It is my fault
I get out immediately

IV
I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I walk around it

V
I walk down another street

Resolution #26: Set Reasonable Goals

Got Goals?
The average New Year's goals are big and nebulous.  Lose weight, get fit, get solvent, be happy.  The goals are great; it's the objectives that are missing.  Think of goals as the endpoint and objectives as yardlines, or markers on the way.  You need some sort of feedback that you're making progress and the goal is acheivable to keep up your momentum.

Goals can be lofty and large, but objectives need to be concrete and measureable.  Want to get fit?  How will you know when you are?  What will it take to get you there?  These smaller steps are your guideposts, and meeting them keeps you from getting discouraged and giving up.  If you are currently a couch potato and want to be a runner, you don't start by signing up for the Boston Marathon.  You start by getting off the couch and getting around the block. 

I know I have told this story before, but it bears repeating.  Long term goals are like a lighthouse.  We may never get there, but if we are heading toward the light, and reorient when we find ourselves stumbling around in the dark, we are going in the right direction.  How do you know when you are in the light?

To use this resolution, pick a long term goal.  Write it down.  Then find two or three small changes you can make that show you are heading the right direction and commit to them.  Alternately or additionally, each day notice anything you did that supports your goal.  For example, if you want to be more ecologically conscious, maybe today you walked to work, ate local food for lunch, and went to the library instead of purchasing that magazine.  Writing down what you did will trigger you to remain more intentional in your behavior.  If you say "I am going to use my treadmill an hour a day tomorrow" and then find yourself avoiding it, start by just dusting it off and turning it on to see it still works.  Maybe set a goal for walking on it for two minutes.  Most likely you will decide to do three and see you've already met and exceeded your goal.  Focusing on what you did right is more encouraging that despairing about what you haven't yet done. If you are feeling overwhelmed by your goal, it's too big.  What's the smallest step of incremental change that will be an improvement?  Try that a bit and you will probably exceed it.  Your success will reinforce your efforts. 

5 more to go!
Jana

Resolution #25: Listen to what Future Self wants

 My New Year's resolution-- to write a blog each day in January about resolutions-- is close to being met.  Whew! I am feeling proud.  At times I have the attention span of a fruit fly and the discipline of a labrador puppy.   I surprised myself by sticking to it. These last few posts will be about bettering your chances of making changes and moving toward the life you want.

Every January, about 45% of Americans resolve to better themselves in one or more ways.  Over a third of that group never even get started.  Most of the rest give up before meeting their goals.  According to Lauran Neergaard, AP medical writer, our brains are hard-wired to respond quickly to immediate rewards, and that's what most bad habits offer us. Future self wants to retire with savings, but present self needs to get that upgraded IPad. Future self may want to be thin, but present self really, really wants another slice of pie.   And that instant hit of dopamine from pie in the mouth is a lot more tangible than pie in the sky.


To help motivate yourself, get a better picture of where you want to be.  It's a lot easier to get somewhere you want if you have a destination in mind.

If your long term goal is a big one, picture the results.  Then ask yourself what you can do today to walk in that direction.  When temptation is at hand, ask future self what it wants-- then distract, refocus, or find some less-harmful way to hit that reward system.

More on goal setting tomorrow--
Today's song by the luminous Karen Savoca.

Find more artists like Karen Savoca & Pete Heitzman at Myspace Music

Resolution #9: Be Generous

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.--Winston Churchill

There are many ways to practice generosity.  It's a little late to reflect it on your 2010 taxes, but gifts of goods or money to your favorite charity are always welcome.  Don't worry about it being a small amount.  Think of it this way-- if every Oregonian gave a penny a day to say, scholarships to deserving impoverished commnunity college students, that would be $10,000,000 a year.  Every little bit counts.

You needn't give money to be generous.  Here's other ways to spread your wealth.
1.  Lend you ear to someone who needs to talk.
2.  Share specialized tools and equipment with friends, neighbors, schools.  My dad lived in a neighborhood that had a "tool library."  If you need an air compressor, serger, tile cutter or somesuch twice a year, it makes more sense to borrow one than buy one.  Just be sure you're willing to loan what you have as well.
3.  Share your talents and skills.  Volunteer to read or tutor at an elementary school; do maintenance at a local nonprofit, give a talk in your area of expertise to a community group.  Translate a language you know for someone who needs it. This one is wide open.  What can you do well? 
4.  Share your energy with someone whose is lagging.  Run an errand or cook a meal for someone sick or grieving.
5.  Share information.  OK, be careful with this one. I'm not talking about unsolicited advice.  But you may have an insider's scoop that can ease another's path or brighten their mood.  For example, when I got started in my practice, at least three therapists came forward to offer me forms to use  and client referrals.  I've done the same for another four or five.  I've had friends help me learn how to use my sewing machine, make a pie crust, etc-- all really appreciated.
I think I've only touched the surface with this one.  Look for the chance to be generous in some small or big way tomorrow.  As always, I am happy to hear what you did.

A few words about these resolutions:  these are all ways to improve your health and happiness in small ways.  I hope you will try checking each one off sometime during the month, though most are easy enough to do every day.  I will post a checklist on the blog shortly.  Print it out and see which ones you can hit at least once in the next few weeks.

I bet there are lots of videos about people's generosity and sharing on the web.  I found one about a dog first.

Resolution #8: Mind Your Manners

Today's homework is to practice your Ps and Qs, and bring back the civil part of civilization.   (Thanks, Hal!)

Use politeness words:  please, thank you, you are welcome, I'm sorry.
Let others go first, hold a door, look at people when you're speaking, smile. 
If you're visiting with someone else and not on call for emergencies, turn off your cell phone.
Try not to pay attention if other people are using their manners-- focus on being part of the solution.  But if you notice others being courteous, be appreciative.  If it's in a customer service role, tell their employer it made a difference.

Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others.  If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter which fork you use. --Emily Post

Today's video provides tips for you Facebook users: