Wherever you go, there you are

No matter where you go, there you are, said Confucius. 

happy in the garden

Just finished a poignant article about a woman who lost nearly half her body weight but not all her troubles.  She had bariatric surgery, and believed, as her surgeon insisted, that life would be so much easier after she got want she thought she really wanted-- a skinny body.  But she found that the insecurities did not fall off with the weight.

A lot of us are like this.  We think when we get that one problem dealt with, we will finally be happy. 
Once we have finally attain the right "X".  Substitute for X:  partner, job, weight, place to live.

Wherever you go, there you are.  You, with the same imperfections, strengths, and history you had before.  You can run, and you can't hide, and when you get "there", the common denominator between you and comfort arrives with you. 

Last week, author and Harvard professor Dan Gilbert lectured at Oregon State University about his research on happiness.  You can hear some of his tenets at his Ted talk.  Think you know what will make you happy?  Dr. Gilbert's findings suggest you are wrong.  He found that many people overestimate what circumstances will lead them to golden joy-- and what will make them miserable.  The good news:  Most of us are far more resilient than we believe.  75% of us will recover, or at least be OK, two years after something we assume will ruin us.  "We are not the fragile field of flowers we believe ourselves to be,"  Gilbert says.  And conversely, we are also not going to be saved by that X factor we think is between us and our ultimate happiness.  People routinely overpredict what will make them happy in the future.  Whether it is that new car, tenure, new job or new lover, we predictably end up not a whole lot happier after the initial high of achievement than we were to begin with.

the constant, changing moon brings me ridiculous joy

So what does make us happy?
Gilbert noted a few things.  Experiences, not stuff bring more lasting pleasure.  We will remember and cherish that trip overseas more often than that new piece of bling.  And bling connected to relationship will always be more meaningful than just bling bought, because of the memories brought with it.  People are happiest when they are engaged, not passive recipients of objects or experiences.  In one replicated study, people given $20 were divided into two groups.  One was told to spend it on something enjoyable for themselves, and one told to spend it making someone else happy.  Guess which one reported more and longer lasting satisfaction with the experience?

seeing old friends and hearing good music=happy

And it's frequency, not intensity, that's the best predictor of overall life satisfaction.  Small and common joys trump far-apart epiphanies.    A sense of meaning and community also make a huge difference.  For a great overview of happiness research presented in an intriguing and digestible format, watch the wonderful documentary "Happy".   

I'm 24 hours late in marking International Happiness Day.   But it's never too late to figure out how to bring more satisfaction to those hours you have left on Earth.  Don't put it off.

Related blogs:
http://www.janasvoboda.org/2011/05/troubles-and-happiness.html 
http://www.janasvoboda.org/2011/01/resolution-20-more-experiences-less.html
http://www.janasvoboda.org/2011/01/resolution-18-notice-whats-going-well.html

Quote of the day:  "It's never too late to have a happy childhood."  Tom Robbins, American author
Song of the day:

Self-Care for Caregivers: Tips and Tools Chapter One

Every caregiver needs a toolkit to prevent or remedy compassion fatigue.  Here's several ideas for self-care to keep you in balance.  Some require time, practice, or props; some can be done in seconds during a meeting. Many of these have been covered in previous blogs and portions are reprinted or linked below.  The best of what I know is in these hyperlinks; it's a lot to read but I hope you'll dip in.

Managing the Monkey Mind 

     Oh the nerves, the nerves; the mysteries of this machine called man! Oh the little that unhinges it, poor creatures that we are! --Charles Dickens

 Don't suffer twice. When we worry about something in our future, (and there's nothing to be done about it) it's a lose-lose situation. If it happens, we get to suffer twice. If it doesn't, we worry for nothing.

 Mind your stories. A Swedish proverb says: Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow. We can tell ourselves pretty alarming stories that have no real basis in probability. Check for facts. How many times have planes crashed at PDX today? This week? This year? Chances are that same pilot who's already landed the plane safely 8 times this week will also do fine today. 

Take a breath. When we are fretting, we are often literally holding our breath. We don't breathe out all the used up air, and we end up in a bit of an oxygen deficit-- which does nothing to soothe our anxiety. Try "box breathing"-- take as much time to breath out as in, and make sure to pause for a reasonable time between inhalation and exhalations.  For more info on the power of breath, click here.

Get some distraction action. Since what you feed (your mind) grows, look for healthier places to invest. Listen to some music, taste a lemon, do some art.   Here's some info on how music can heal:  http://www.janasvoboda.org/2011/01/resolution-24-make-joyful-noise.html

Fire up a more logical part of your brain. Think of your brain like a power grid. If one part-- say that pesky amydala, which is all about emotion-- is all lit up, chances are the areas that access logic and reason are a bit dimmed down. Shift the resources by engaging in a few minutes of algebra, or even sudoku. Firing up those neurons will take a load off. 

Accept your emotions and remember they are transient and (in their moment) valid, so judgment isn't helpful.  (More here).   But feelings aren't facts-- or based on them-- so you don't have to react to them. Let them rise up, use them as data, and let them pass.  

Befriend your body.  Give it some rest, good food and some exercise.  Exercise is a chance to dump all those fight-or-flight chemicals that have nowhere to be of use, and it's neurogenerative too-- rebuilds those brains cells that stress kills off. 

Use Visualization:  here's two I like.  1) Imagine yourself as a mountain, fully rooted and stable, big and strong.  The yoga pose Tadasana is all about this rootedness but I find just imagining the way I feel in this pose is nearly as good as doing it-- and a lot more reasonable if I'm in the middle of a tense meeting.    2)  Imagine you have a Teflon force field and all that negative stuff just slides off away from you.  Don't pick it up!

When we are stressed, our self-talk and thinking can spiral in bad directions.  Here's an except about getting that in line.

Don't feed Ethel.

Most of us have a loud and annoying bully in our head who tells us Bad Scary Stuff.  I've decided to name it "Ethel".  Please forgive me if you are or have an Ethel in your life that you love.

Ethel says things like:  "You can't do it.  You're a loser.  Why try?  You don't deserve to (fill in the blank:  be happy, healthy, out of debt, in a good relationship)."  She tells lots of scary stories with an authority that is quite convincing.  Ethel gets bigger and stronger every time you listen to her.  

When that doubting voice shows up, don't even bother talking back.  It's OK to talk to yourself.  (Tip:  Unless you're alone, don't do it out loud.) Tell yourself: "That's just Ethel, doing her deal."  Tell yourself some facts, like "I've been scared before and done fine anyway."  Or "I don't really know how this will turn out, and I won't know anything more if I don't try."  When Ethel has no attention, she tends to wander off.

Make use of the healing power of nature.  It's restorative, restful, oxygenating, and less impinging.  Take a walk in a forest, lay on a beach, wander a meadow.

Lighten the heck up! Yes, life is full of suffering.  As Buddha says, One life: ten thousand joys, ten thousand sorrows.  Make sure you are getting the joy part in.  Read more about play and laughter-- then get some.

Don't forget the importance of community.  On the whole, Americans have never been lonelier than we are in the "connected" age.  Online isn't enough.  We need real people who can really see us and accept us for who we are, warts and all.  We need touch (more on this in a coming article), witness, and to know that if we need tangible help there is someone who will.  If you are feeling isolated, know at least that you are in good company and there are others like you wanting to connect.  Take the risk and reach out.  

Reset your happiness baseline by shaking up your routine and practicing gratitude.   Learn more about happiness research here  and in this blog on Happy Factors.

Remember that YOU COUNT TOO!
Most natural caregivers cannot help but attend to the needs of others.  They would never intentionally neglect a being in need of attention, love and kindness.  Except for themselves. 
They-- you?-- need to remember the Silver Rule:  Treat yourself as you would have others treated.  And as Thom Ruttledge says, remember "You are not an exception to the rule that nobody's perfect."  So give yourself a break, some love, a kindness.  Acknowledge and accept your human limitations and feet of clay.  "Put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others."

And that's important.  Because if you burn out, there is one less person who to help.
Take care of yourself, sweetheart.
-----
photos for this blog taken at this year's Oregon Country Fair, now in its 42nd year of creative community.

The Stiff Upper Lip's Guide to Happiness

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/programmes/happiness_formula/4785402.stm

Click the link for an info-dense page of articles, quizzes, more links on that inevitable right we Americans are always nattering on about.

How do you score on the happiness measurements?  What can you glean from the research on ways to improve it?  You'll see the old familiars-- smile, connect, move your body--

Whatcha gonna do to make it good for you?
Jana

Troubles and Happiness

       Happiness often shows up on the ridges of trouble.  I think it was Elizabeth Kubler Ross who reflected about the beauty of canyons,  formed only in harsh conditions.  Likewise, happiness has a bigger edge when there is something pushing it into contrast.
 
  Zen Buddhism speaks of life as 10,000 joys and 10,000 sorrows.  I can tell you for sure you have to be asleep or die young to pass up the last half of that bargain.  No choice for sorrows if you choose to live.   But sometimes we seem to think of the joys as trivialities.  As if This Life is Serious Damn Business, and Don't You Forget It, less you flunk the final.

Did I mention this mind-blowing Koan of DBT founder Marsha Linehan?  "Whether you are walking to the 7-11, to the alter, or to the execution chamber-- in that moment you are just walking."  I hated that when I first heard it.  My regular "let's be black or let's be white" mind heard it as the most idiotic form of denial.  Now I see it as possibility that living in the present can allow a moment of peace.  There is potential for joy or disaster (or banality) around every corner, and until we get to that corner, well, we're just walking.  We might as well look around and see if there is anything of interest here, where we are.  And be open minded that we cannot know what for sure on which side of the list of 10,00 joys or 10,000 sorrows the next checkmark will go.

About all we have the semblance of control is what we are doing in the right now-- where we are choosing our focus, such that advance sufferings (or happiness) can wait their turns.

It doesn't take much to bring joy.  This weekend alone I found comfort and pleasure in food shared with family, the new blooms in the garden, the exquisite brightness of young musicians (hit play button at end of post to here the amazing BEE EATERS).  In the latter, such genius brought me also to tears.  Real beauty can do that-- bring both those joys and sorrows smack in our heart in one harmonic package.  It takes no more than an open and curious eye to see wonders everywhere.  

Admittedly, one woman's wonder is another's horror.  After a few grumbling hours spent trying to subdue the invasives from my garden, I came upon a bursting mound of baby orb weavers.  They delighted me (see photo right);  my companion at the time was decidedly less pleased.

After diminishing the biomass to negligible effect, I'd been considering the sell points of an all-paved yard.  Seeing this clot of bristling life brought me straight out of cranky thoughts of dandelions, holly seedlings and springweed and into the present, and then a future where my garden would be delicately decorated with lacy mandalas, each with a stripy guardian.  It was a happy yank up from my grumbling.

Spring's bounty--an iris jutting out from under a miniature Japanese maple, the fiery pokers, a plethora of clematis-- maybe they are worth it, even when it's hard to see my intention for all the weeds.   So I'll potter around the garden, not knowing what will poke up around the next corner.  And what the heck,  while I'm potttering, might as well Be Happy.

yrs,

Jana

Happy Factors

I've had out-of-country company this week, so though thinking about and engaging in happiness practices (walking wetlands and beaches, dining, and roller derby), there was no blogging.

I'm still recovering.  Meanwhile, check out these previous posts for quick tips on upping your level of life satisfaction.  If you're a new reader or haven't seen the HAPPY documentary yet (get to the Darkside!) , some of these may be news to you.  Lucky for us, happiness research has been happening for a while, and we know a few things about the non-genetic factors.  They're ripe for your manipulation.  Try a few and let me know the results.

Resolution #4: Thank Somebody

Resolution #5: Do Something Different
Resolution #18: Notice What's Going Well
Resolution #19: No News Is Good News
Resolution #20: More Experiences, Less Stuff
Resolution #21: SMILE!
Resolution #22: Have a Good Belly Laugh
Resolution #24: Make A Joyful Noise

Three gratitudes for today:  

1) The grape Nehi smell of the purple irises my guest brought for the table

2) My sister made reservations for she and her family to visit this summer

3) Last night's long gentle rain on my neglected garden, blooming despite me

Shine on,

Jana

"Happiness Runs" by Donovan - Stop Motion Music Video from Kyle Garrity on Vimeo.

Happy Tummy

Tonight was the West Coast premiere of HAPPY, a documentary by Roko Belic.  Thanks to the efforts of our own Paul Turner and his lovechild Darkside Cinema, we got not only the movie, but a chat with the Academy-nominated director.  He's here tomorrow as well.  If you want a chance to see a man and his dream in motion, pop in for the 7 or 9 pm Saturday showing.  If you can't make it then, you'll have three more weeks to be among the first to see this inspiring film on the best part of the American Dream.

After the show, I went out for some slow food and good chat with friends.  We talked about times we felt in flow (more on this next post).  I remembered a great night in Summit where all the requisites for my personal happiness were present: community, celebration of life milestones, family, good food, music, nature, physical activity (in this case, dancing in the barn).  And recalled another beautiful evening with photographer friend Maria and her foodie musician friends, dining on four courses and telling tales of great food adventures throughout the world.

Food is as democratic a road to happiness as any.  In the documentary Happy, a seriously happy Cajun family chows down on a tabletop feast of fresh crab; a few scenes later a Bushman family in Namibia shares a fresh kill.  Cut to the Dali Lama, reminding us that love starts with that first suckle at mama's breast.

As screwed up as our relationship with food can become in a calorie-laden culture, food still brings us together, in celebration and grief.  We comfort the sick with soup, celebrate the milestone with sweets.  As lovers, we long to feed the other early on, cementing the bond with gifts of physical nourishment.

In honor of the primal need to sustain our partnerships through cuisine, I'll start this series of Happy Blogging with a recipe.  This was a gift from Dennison Farms with my leek purchase last week, writ by local earthmama Wendolyn Molk (who also bakes a darn good loaf of bread and makes a great peach pie).  Done by memory, so please forgive me, Wendolyn, if I have screwed it up.

So very yummy I have made it twice.

Leek Pie
3-5 leeks, cleaned and finely sliced
1-2 TB butter
4-8 oz  Roquefort or Gruyere  cheese (these are vastly different cheeses, and frankly I substituted with local "Oregonzola")
1 egg
1/4 cup cream or yogurt
pie crusts, top and bottom  (I cheated. First Alternative Co-op has organic vegetarian crusts in the fridge section)
----------
Saute' the leeks on medium-low heat for 30, yes 30 minutes in the butter.  If they look like they'll get too dry, cover them.
Beat the egg with the cream, throw in the crumbled/grated cheese and add the leeks.  Put it in an unbaked crust and cover with the top crust.
Bake at 350 degrees for 30-35 minutes.
----------------
Because I do not know how to leave well enough alone, I added the fresh morals I found in my backyard (sauteed til slightly brown) and a bit of nutmeg.

For additional happiness, serve with friends, conversation, reasonable social risk-taking and gratitude.

See you soon,
Jana

PS:  The pic at the top is of a beet and pumpkin seed tart from lunch at the Gathering Together Farm.  It was delicious.

Corvallis HAPPY

Good intentions about spreading the happy gospel have been waylaid-- but am hoping to see some of you at the Corvallis premeire of the HAPPY documentary tomorrow at the Darkside.  The director will also be attending the Saturday show.  Still can't make it?  Show up during the three week run thereafter.

HAPPY - How It All Began from Wadi Rum Productions on Vimeo.

Getting Happy in Corvallis

Giant Oceanic Grasshopper

Back from 3 days of art, conversation, and way too much good slow food at the coast with my WAR (women's art retreat) pals. What a happy respite from a long and weird Oregon winter.  


Speaking of happiness, which we'll be doing a lot of the next few posts, a documentary on same is coming to our little burg this weekend.  Here's a chance to hear the science that can help you in that elusive American Pursuit.


http://www.facebook.com/HappyMovie?sk=wall
HAPPY, the latest feature-length documentary by Academy Award® nominated Roko Belic, takes us on a compelling journey across the world in search of what really makes us happy. From the swamps of Louisiana to the slums of Kolkata, deeply personal stories weave together with insights from renowned experts to provide the keys to our most valued emotion. There will be an exclusive Q&A with director Roko Belic after the opening Friday and Saturday night shows on May 20th and May 21st. HAPPY will be opening on May 20th for a three week theatrical run, and can be seen until June 9th.
FOR TICKETS: www.darksidecinema.com, 541-752-4161


See you on the sunny side of the Darkside--
Jana

Resolution #27: Don't Feed Ethel

Most of us have a loud and annoying bully in our head who tells us Bad Scary Stuff.  I've decided to name it "Ethel".  Please forgive me if you are or have an Ethel in your life that you love.

Ethel says things like:  "You can't do it.  You're a loser.  Why try?  You don't deserve to (fill in the blank:  be happy, healthy, out of debt, in a good relationship)."  She tells lots of scary stories with an authority that is quite convincing.  Ethel gets bigger and stronger every time you listen to her.  

Today's resolution:  Don't feed Ethel.   

When that doubting voice shows up, don't even bother talking back.  It's OK to talk to yourself. Tip:  Unless you're alone, don't do it out loud.

Tell yourself: "That's just Ethel, doing her deal."  Tell yourself some facts, like "I've been scared before and done fine anyway."  Or "I don't really know how this will turn out, and I won't know anything more if I don't try."  When Ethel has no attention, she tends to wander off.

----------

Extraneous news:

Four more to go!  I can taste the relief.  Here's a couple of comments sent to me today about the 31-day challenge thus far.  I appreciate comments and conversation.  Don't be shy!

Erica, a lovely local therapist, wrote:

I read your blog this morning...  Here are a couple thoughts you engendered for me:

     When temptation is at hand...

Sometimes I think of future self as tomorrow's self (which helps that immediate gratification self latch onto something close at hand), so I ask "what will I, tomorrow, look back and thank me, today, for doing right now to get closer to that goal. 

    Sometimes, the best I can do is "damage control"--i.e. to take a hard day or down mood and at least not make it worse with dysfunctional cognitions or behaviors.  "Damage control" reminds me that not making it worse is sometimes the most positive thing I can accomplish.  Then surely the next morning I look back and thank myself for "not making it worse."  Make sense?

And my great pal Hal, who designed my pretty work website, wrote:

Miss Jana,
Hearty congrats on your sustained resolution to write January Resolutions... To ease you into February, for yer remaining 5...consider, please, if you will:
* Resolution #27: Find an Answer to All the Giraffe Ennui
* Resolution #28: Stay Away From Those Taco Bell-Bottom Trousers
* Resolution #29: Embrace Your Inner Bingo; Polka Nights
* Resolution #30: If You See That Fork in the Road, Take It
* Resolution #31: Sing the Body Electric...But Wear Rubber-Soled Shoes, Eh?
Your indentured servant,
Wally Ferblunghit

----

For more Hal and some good reads, check out his website:  http://hdklopper.net/ 

Today's musical vid:

Resolution #24: Make A Joyful Noise

 Continuing on our increasing happiness theme...
I woke up today just a little off.  There were some reasons:  a good friend had come and gone from a visit; I'd had a packed weekend with friends, family and nurturance and now it was Monday and I'd overbooked my schedule for the week.  I was having trepidation over how I was going to juggle all the plates in motion for the week.

One of my (many gorgeous, brilliant and multifaceted) sisters recently wrote:

"My joie de vivre has had me accused of both being phony and erratic.(A colleague) even told me to stop putting crack in my cereal. ;) To the doubters- let me assure you, my happiness (to paraphrase Seinfield) is real, and it's spectacular."  When a reader inquired as to the secret of her perennial cheeriness, she said she thought it was innate-- that joy was her default. Though I also know she moves continuously toward joy and positive thinking, I think she is right.  Her temperament is naturally happy.  You can see it in her baby pictures-- sunny, smiling ear to ear.  I don't think I got the same set of genes.  In my childhood photos, I have sort of a perennially worried or distracted look. Even though I have a good love of fun, my genes seem to push me more toward introversion, introspection and sometimes melancholia.  I appear to need to be much more intentional to stay cheery.

Since about 1976, research supported the idea that we have a happiness set-point-- a baseline we return to after attempting to increase it with a big change or inflow of stuff/cash.  But newer research has challenged this idea.  The brain is much more pliable than once thought-- at every age.  And as pointed out in this week's blogs, we can move our set-point with community, gratitude, laughing, smiling, and feelings of personal agency.  

So how did I move mine today?

Singing!  I intentionally sang all the way to work, the happiest songs I could think of.  "When You Wish Upon a Star", yesterday's blog theme "You've Got a Friend In Me", and "Zip-a-dee Doo-dah".  And even without my rational support, I was in a good mood.  I sang between sessions, I sang all the way home, I sang making dinner.

Music can soothe the savage breast, and the cranky or melancholic one too.  Of course, music can change moods in many ways.  It can move us to tears, sad or other; it can raise tension.  There are whole industries based on using music to manipulate mood and behavior (think Muzak).  Even listening to sad music is helpful to mood overall-- it helps us identify and process emotional material, allowing it to move and shift.  But if you are wanting to lift your mood, put on something cheery and toe-tapping and be a curious observer to the results.

More reading:  Exploring the Musical Brain

 

Resolution #23: Encourage Community

Feeling isolated?  You're--so to speak-- not alone.  Despite our fat facebook friends lists, Americans are spending less time in group and individual interactions and counting fewer people as confidantes than in previous history.  We work more, move more, attend church and civic groups less, volunteer less, walk less.  We have fewer sidewalks and front porches, all which used to encourage us to bump into our neighbors.  We watch videos and streaming concerts instead of attending theaters and live music.  In general, our places of worship, schools and other commnunity gathering sites are larger and usually outside of our immediate neighborhood.  Our banks and grocery stores are owned by anonymous corporations who don't know us or our individual needs.  All of this results in feelings of isolation and anonymity.

If positivity research is a bit muddy on some things, it is in consensus on one:  social connectedness increases happiness and health.  A meta-analysis of nearly 150 studies found strong links between mental and physical wellness and feeling tied to community.  Read a NYTimes article about it here.

For this resolution, do a social inventory.  How many people in your extended family, neighborhood and community did you connect in the last seven days?  How can you increase it this week?  And what is one thing you can do to increase connectivity within your community?

There's so many ways to work on this resolution.  Spend more time in your front yard, and greet your neighbors.  Volunteer.  Throw a potluck.  Call or write an old friend or family member.  Need more?
150 things you can do to build social capital: from bettertogether.org.

Related posts:  CONNECT
Nourished by Community

Today's song:

Resolution #22: Have a Good Belly Laugh

 Laughter really is good medicine.
A good belly laugh releases stress, lowers blood pressure and cholesterol, and increases immune activity. It provides health benefits similar to taking a jog (though perhaps without the calorie loss-- so don't completely take to the couch). 

Laughter connects us to others, reduces social and internal tensions, shifts perspective in positive ways, and relaxes our bodies for long after we stop giggling.  And most of the time, it's free!

Humor is an individual thing, and what some find funny others will find offensive or just dumb.  With that caution in mind, here's some web resources to get you going:
Funny or Die videos
The Onion News
Tweet Me Harder Podcast
The Institute of Official Cheer

 For a brainy look at laughter, listen to Radio Lab's Laughter episode.


Today's video is an intro to laughter yoga. 

Resolution #21: SMILE!

 You have a beautiful smile.  Let's see it.

Smiling tends to send signals to the brain that you are happy-- whether or not you are first feeling the smile.  In one study, subjects holding pencils in their mouths in ways that moved facial muscles similar to what happens with a smile, their bodies received similar benefits to persons smiling from happiness.

Smiling also attracts others, and makes them more likely to smile back. 

I had a client many years ago in Texas who struggled with social anxiety and depression.  She was a PIB-- what we called people who dressed all in black back before we'd heard of Goth.  I never had seen both her eyes at once, since she usually had her hair covering most of her face.  One day (trust me, you can get away with this kind of therapy in SE TX), I told her I was getting tired of seeing her all raggedy-assed  in my office and by gosh she better show up next week looking good.  Wear something bright, do something different with that hair.  She was bumming me out.  She humored me and agreed.

The next week she walked into my office wearing a colorful dress and a face-cracking grin.  I didn't even know she had teeth!  I asked her what was up.  "I've had a great morning.  The bus driver flirted with me the whole drive.  Your mean secretary smiled at me."  She'd created a positive feedback loop.  By looking self-confident and happy even before she felt it, others responded to her more positively, and she felt better.

The challenge this month:  smile intentionally at least ten times today.  Whether or not you feel like it-- but do it like you mean it.  See what happens.

Click here for a sweet article on 10 good reasons to smile by Mark Stibich, PhD.
If you have a bit more time, read Eric Jaffe's well-researched article on the Psychological Study of Smiling.

Resolution #20: More Experiences, Less Stuff

 Continuing on our theme of improving levels of happiness...
Research on this one is clear.  You want to be more happy?  Focus on getting more experiences, not more stuff.
Study after study finds that material gains, whether it be a bigger house, a new car, or those great shoes, lend only very temporarily gains in personal happiness.  While buying stuff gives us a rush, that little hit of dopamine is pretty short-lived, and we quickly return to our baseline of happiness-- and some get caught in the addiction of trying to repeat the quickly passing thrill.  Trust me or look it up-- there's plenty of research to support the idea that what matters to us is what we did and who we did it with, not what we got.  Or think it about it yourself.  Are your most cherished memories about getting that big screen TV?  Often as not, they are times you spent (especially in new situations, such as a vacation) with people you loved.

Today's resolution:  plan some time to have an experience.  It doesn't have to be grand or expensive, just interesting and unusual, or with someone whose company you love.  One of my favorite birthdays was going to check out the 3D museum in Portland.  We'd planned to see the Velvet Painting museum as well, but it had closed.  Still, it was such a quirky, wonderful day that I'll remember it much longer than the presents I received.  I'd wanted to go to this little hole in the wall place for years and never had.  Not long after, I wrote a list of a 100 things I'd enjoy doing within a few hours of home (or here).  Visiting Crater Lake, fingerpainting for the first time since grade school, going on a photo scavenger hunt-- all sorts of experiences, big and small.  Some I've crossed off, and some I look forward to.  Make a similar list, and make time to cross a few off this month.

Interestingly, while getting more money or stuff doesn't improve happiness, giving it away does.  More on that tomorrow.

Onward to Adventures, Tiny or Not!

Resolution #19: No News Is Good News

 "Garbage in, garbage out".  --computer programmer saying
             Got Fear?
If not, check out the nightly news. 
Better yet, turn it off.  Skip the news headlines and read the comics.  Not forever, necessarily.  Take a fast from the news for a day or a few.  Maybe you don't need to know about that horrible thing that happened in that place you never heard of before today.  It doesn't mean you don't care-- but if you aren't going to do anything about it, or more likely, you can't-- well, maybe you really don't need it in your head.  Perhaps you have enough suffering going on in your own personal day.  Or maybe even today is going pretty well and you are feeling good.  Let well enough alone for a change.  Take a little fast from human misery and disaster.  This might include forgoing television crime dramas as well.

Hungarian researcher Attila Szabo found that students watching 15 minutes of newscast had sustained negative changes in mood, affect and anxiety.  These could be mediated with 15 minutes of relaxation practice, but my guess is that few of us counter the time we spend reading horrific headlines or watching violent imagery with intentional relaxation exercises.  The news can give us distorted perceptions of risk to our safety.  Did you know that crime in every category went DOWN in recent years?  That more people in the US will die from peanuts than terrorism over a given period of time? 

So give it a break.  Give yourself a break.  Take some time off from bad news, crime shows, cry-in-your-beer songs and tearjerker movies.  Life's hard enough, huh?

Additional resources: 
ODE:  "the magazine for intelligent optimists"
YES! Magazine:  Powerful Ideas, Practical Options
Daily Good:  News that Inspires website

Today's feel great video:

Resolution #18: Notice What's Going Well

 OK, enough with the heavy stuff and suffering.  Not that it goes away, but sometimes we need to go away from it.  The next few days' resolution are all about increasing your "subjective experience of well-being" and "perceptions of life satisfaction",  aka happiness.

Like suffering, happiness is a temporal state.  We can't hang on to life's highs any more than we should hang on to its lows.  But there is nothing wrong, as stated in our own bill of rights, in the pursuit of it.


Resolution #5 talked about some research that showed that doing something different tends to increase folks' measurement of their happiness.  Researcher Martin Seligman also found that if people were asked to write down for three things daily that went well for one week, along with their understanding about why that might be, they showed significant gains in perceived happiness at baseline and in follow-up testing at one and three months.


Noticing what isn't wrong in our lives helps us direct attention to our strengths and resources.  Give this simple exercise a try and see if things begin to shift a little.

If you are interested in participating in Seligman's happiness and positive psychology research, there are several current studies open.  Click this link for more information.

Below is an (older) video in which Segilman explains how the "Three Blessings Exercise" works.

Resolution #5: Do Something Different

Shake it up, baby.  
Tiny differences in your routine can lead to an increased level of "overall life satisfaction and contentment", aka happiness.  The Positive Psychology movement championed by researcher Martin Seligman, found that making a small change daily led to increases in perceived happiness. Taking a different route to work, dressing up if you usually dress casually or vice versa, or taking a walk rather than watching TV after dinner-- these sorts of variations mysteriously left partifipants feeling better.

Here's an inspiring article on the benefits of change.
http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/2010/02/28/trying-new-things/

Find out more about Positive Psychology here: Authentic Happiness site

Soundtrack for today's homework (of course):

Resolution #4: Thank Somebody

Today's resolution is to express gratitude to someone deserving, for past or present assistance.
I am going to write a letter to the physician who looked into my father's eyes and stroked his forehead when he was in great pain (you are wonderful, Dr.Tewodros Addisse!).


Ideas:

1. A postcard to that business or employee that remembered how much customer service mattered
2. The teacher that inspired you then or now
3. The neighbor who keeps a beautiful garden
4. The friend who may think you take their kindnesses for granted
5. An organization that provides a needed service
6. A politician who stood up for the voiceless
7. Someone at your place of worship, school, or other community center that goes above and beyond in volunteering time or skills
8. An artist that took your breath away

OK, you know what to do.  I'd love to hear about it.
Jana

Nourished by Community

Friday night I got my mojo refreshed at a celebration for a friend's graduating son. The party, held at her country home, was filled with music, dancing, and love. She'd prepared a traditional Indonesian feast-- a epicurean tableau of colors, smells, and flavors that drew many of us back for thirds. Ages of the festive ranged from 0-80 plus. Kids ran through the woods, sampled in the gardens and swung from the rafters and we all danced to a live band in a beautiful barn, playing original tunes with global flavors (with mama on keyboards!) . The night had all the ingredients of healthy living-- natural beauty, physical activity, creativity, wholesome AND interesting food, celebration of connection and life milestones, and involved, invested companions. I was rejuvenated by it.

We all need more of this in our lives. We get caught up in work, bills, disasters-- our created and life's unavoidable sufferings. Community makes it all more bearable, and reminds us of our generative potential.

Thanks, Evelyn and Mark, for reminding me what's important, and for throwing a heck of a party. And congratulations and best wishes for your future to Miro!

And if any of you need a band to play in your barn, email me for details---

150 ways to build community can be found at bettertogether.org

Today's quote: "What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured." Author Kurt Vonnegut

Video of the day:

Resolution of the Day: PLAY

 If you've noticed the 30 day resolution is getting a bit less resolute-- you're observant. Life sometimes interferes with intentions, and I've been occupied with it.  So while I wait for inspiration and time, here's a rerun from earlier. 

Plays Well With Others

"Life is Mysterious
Don't Take it Serious"
(quote on an old rubber stamp)
In several of these blogs, I've talked about the inevitability of suffering.
Enough of that. Let's talk about the power of playfulness.

You may have heard the expression that "Kid's play is kid's work." Play is where kids learn to deal with roles and other people, fine tune communicating their ideas and needs, exercise their bodies and widen their imaginations. Why would we want to give that up as adults? Yet many groan-ups (yes, that was deliberate) see life as one unending have-to-do list. I'm not advocating shirking responsibilities, though I am admittedly expert at it. I'm encouraging righting priorities. Play, laughter, positive thinking, joy have their own rafts of research supporting the idea that a good time is good for you. Laughter really IS good medicine-- it reduces stress hormones that havoc the body and soul. Researchers in Loma Linda found cortisol and epiniphrine levels drop, while human growth hormones and beta-endorphins rise when people experience, or even anticipate big fun. Other research shows laughter improves relationships, immunity, increases oxygenation, is cardioprotective, and helps us be more alert and creative.

At least twice a year, I go away to play with my pals at WAR (women's art retreat), where we hold theme dinners in dress up (wedding in Vegas, Beauty Pageant, Circus Night) and write ridiculous bits. For years I participated in an on-line salon where we exchanged thematic haikus, limericks, tom swifties and wrote bad country songs. There's lots of ways to make the ridiculous sublime. A few minutes a day softens the heart and sharpens the brain.

A few links for you:
Laughing Yoga
Laughing Yoga was started by a physician in India who to promote the healing benefits of laughter for the body and soul. Here John Cleese provides a 3 minute intro to the practice.

Global Belly Laugh Day
We're a few months off from the official Day (Jan. 24th), but we can start practicing. This site is also offers a wealth of research and related links.

Positivity research and tools for its practice can be found at Dr. Segilman's site on Authentic Happiness

Want to shop local in Corvallis?
Our own Happy Guru Jean Bonifas offers Right-Brain Fitness and more and is a member of the World Laughter Tour

Even if all the movies that week are dramas or documentaries, a look around the eclectic decor at Darkside Cinema holds grins for most of us. While you're there, pick up one of owner Paul Turner's books of essays or a Prancing Lavender Bunny T-shirt sporting one bad-ass buff biker bunny.

Grassroots Books has the latest McSweeney's
collection of public weirdness, humorist/scientist Mary Roach's sex research book "BONK" and other sources of inspiration.

Dancing like a maniac always cheers me up, and there are plenty of opportunities at River Rhythms, contra dances, and our summer festivals (Cherry Poppin' Daddies this Friday!).

And don't forget next week's daVinci Days! The Saturday morning kinetic sculpture parade always brings smiles.

Watch the website for announcements about a Play Weekend during the dark days of winter. We'll need it.

Now, go out there and don't come back until you've had some fun.

Yrs,
Jana
importance of balance