This has been one of the hardest weeks in my circle I can remember. Tragedies predictible and unimaginable have shaken those I love. I have felt shattered and heartsick.
This morning I had an appointment to give blood. I wanted to cancel it. I felt literally tapped out. I thought about Ansel, who needed so many transfusions and went through so much so that he could pack a life into 20 years. I went.
I came home exhausted from a week of little sleep, with an evening full of things that needed done before bed. Then I took one last walk to the grocery store. I could have skipped it, but wanted the time with my friend and neighbor, also hit hard by the week's events. We talked and planned and mourned together.
The night was beautiful. The stars so bright, the sky so clear, the air smelling of pines. The crickets sang in the brush. And then, right in the middle of this small town, two owls called back and forth, back and forth. The beauty of it lifted my heart, against my will.
It's not that things are ok. It's that ok and not ok, beautiful and terrible, exist side by side. That's life. That's what makes life bearable. That and a community of people, willing to listen and love each other even when-- especially when-- the terrible seems in charge.
"Christ, this life of mud and miracles-- it's the prettiest little burden, isn't it..." --Richard Buckner
May we all sleep well tonight, and know we are loved.
Jana
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